HAROLD'S POV

"Who broke your heart?" I ask. Was she in love? Is that the reason for her aversion to touch? She shakes her head and asks me a question instead. "Who broke yours?"

A beautiful girl with a poisoned heart. "Do you think love forgives all?" I ask instead. She leans against the bridge rails, looking up at the sky with teary eyes.

Inayat is beautiful. I've seen many women but none like her. When I was in love with Joëlle, I believed there wasn't a woman prettier than her. But I would've been wrong.

Inayat has the otherworldly beauty. Even if my extended family consists of pompous arses who are racist to a fault and were skeptical of my wife's non existent background, they all said she is stunning.

I wish she had some life behind those light brown eyes of hers. It would've made her human too. I hear her laugh, but it isn't the happy kind. This one is painful. I haven't felt pain in a while but her hollow laugh makes my chest ache.

"No." She says as a tear falls down her eye. "I do not know what true love is but somethings can just never be forgiven." I agree with her. Somethings just aren't worthy of forgiveness. Some lines are better not crossed.

"I wanted a life." I look back at her. She is still staring at the moon but her eyes flicker to mine in between to see if I'm listening. I am. I'm always listening.

"I wanted to be normal. I wanted to be loved. To grow up like every other kid. Leave my home for studies and then come visit my loving parents. I wanted to get married to a man I loved, who loved me back. I wanted children, two or even three. I wanted a dog and two cats. I wanted everything."

My fingers itch to crush someone's neck as I watch the hope in her expression crumble. "Do you not want it anymore?" She shakes her head.

"My parents were never as loving as I would've liked. My husband doesn't love me. I didn't grow up like every other kid. I am not normal." The itching grows. I want to know what happened. I want to know how I can help but I cannot ask her. Not now.

She is intoxicated. If I ask her now and she tells me, it won't be because she wants to, because she trusts me. It will be because she doesn't have control over her tongue. "Will you ever tell me what happened?" She blinks at me before opening her mouth and closing it a couple times.

I shake my head. "Not today darling. Someday, when you're sober and you trust me, I would want to hear what hurt you and how I can hurt it back."

She walks closer. Closer than ever before. "You want my trust?" I nod. "Why?"

"You're my wife, my darling. I wanted to be your safe place. I want you to know there is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for you."

"Will you love me? Build a marriage? Adopt children?" Her voice turns accusing with every other question. It guts me how little she expects of me. I'm aware our start was unconventional, hell, it was diabolical. But haven't we grown since?

"I've been tailing you to make sure you don't leave me, Inayat. Of course I want to build a marriage. Whenever you're ready we can adopt children but we need to be sure. Those children deserve love and care, we can't give it to them if we go on the way we are.

Your fear of touch isn't irrational darling, but our child would one day want to hug you and I don't want either of your heart to break then. And love? I don't control it. I can't promise love but I swear if I had it in me, I would've loved you with all my heart and then some more."

Her hand reaches up to touch me but she stops a centimetre away. Her finger hovers over my nose before she traces the air around my face. My eyes, my temple, my cheek, my lips. Goosebumps erupt on my skin, but what annoys me is the reason.

It wasn't the cold that has the hair on my arm stand up, it's her. My wife. "This is how it'll always be. I'll be right there but I would never be close enough." Her finger hovers over my lips, so close yet miles away. "You still think this marriage is worth it?"

Self doubt. Horrible feeling. My wife's chest is hollow because she has eaten up all her feelings. She never shares anything and this is the first time I see the vulnerability in her voice.

I reach my hand up and trace her face the same way she did mine. I never touch her, but each caress has her tears falling down her cheeks and my heart beating out of my chest. "You're worth it baby. And I'd only ever want to be your husband. So yes, this marriage is worth it."

Her lip wobbles. "Even if I'm broken?"

"It's not your fault that the world broke you. It was never your fault. I don't care what you think you are. I'll make you believe in what I know you are. I'll find the broken pieces and I'll make you whole again. You'll be happy, you'll have what you dreamt of.

You'll have a family, kids, cats, a dog, the whole white picket fence dream. I'll make it happen."

"You will?"

"Whatever you want darling, I'll make sure you get it." Another tear falls down her eye, it's the eleventh one but I stop counting after that because she smiles. A real, watery smile.

"I wish I could hug you, Harold."

The ache in my chest deepens. I don't know what my wife feels like pressed against me because I never got the chance. "I wish the same baby. But I'll be okay doing whatever you want."

She takes a step back, wipes her tears like the strong woman my darling is and stands straighter. As straight as she can while wobbling. "I want to go back. I'm hungry." I nod and step away, giving her enough space to pass by.

"Let's get you back home then."

~

I close my eyes and grimace as I hear another thing fall down. "Darling please let me help you." Everyone else is supposed to be asleep and I don't wish to wake them up with all the things falling down in the pantry.

She shakes her head. "I can do it on my own." Then she pulls a stool out of the corner and goes to climb it. Absolutely not. I snatch it right back from the other side. Mindful to not touch her.

"I have no doubts in your fine capabilities darling but let me do this for you. I'm taller, I can reach it better." She shrugs and walks away. Good. "What do you want?"

"More of these lollipops you gave me." Oh look at that, she's a crackhead now. "There aren't anymore. Anything else?"

"Chocolates?" I kick the stool away and pull the chocolate box down the top shelf in the pantry. My wife is hungry but she is also indecisive so she isn't sure about what to eat. "Here." I put them on the counter and she picks it up from there.

She once again has trouble opening it. I forward a hand and she gives me the chocolate bar with an annoyed look. "Why can't I open anything today?"

"You're high." I say and tear open the packet before giving it back to her. "It's okay. I don't mind." She smiles as she takes a bite out of her chocolate.

"I didn't know you like chocolates so much." Her smile says she loves it. Why did she never say anything? Even the cake on our wedding was lemon something.

"I loved them as a kid." I blink. As a kid. Not anymore. "Why did you stop?" She shrugs. "After a while everything I liked had no meaning. Nothing brought me joy."

The sadness in her eyes is overwhelming. It stabs at me. I'm dying to know what changed but I will not coerce her into talking today. Everything has its time. Ours is yet to come.

"You're back to your joyous chocolate again." She smiles at my observation. "I met this guy who made me realise that moving on isn't so hard."

"Is it me?" I ask with a smile of my own. She smiles back, "maybe."

"Now, do you want something else darling?"

Her lip wobbles again. "I want a hug. I've always wanted a hug. But I can't take it." I want my heart to stop breaking at every word she says.

She leans against the countertop so I move to stand before her. I rest a hand beside her, letting the other one dangle at my side. The last thing I want is to make her feel trapped. I lean over until only a centimetre of air separates us. My chin hovers over her shoulder, her warmth breezes over me like sunlight on a cold day.

Her breathing accelerates. "I won't touch you darling. But if this is uncomfortable too, let me know and I'll back off." She makes a sound at the back of her throat.

"T-thank you." Her voice breaks. My poor baby needed a hug for god knows how long. When was the last time someone ever consoled her?

"You're more than welcome, Inayat."

~

INAYAT’S POV

I'm hiding. I didn't intend to wake up with heavy eyes, a growling stomach, chocolate over my face, myriad of last night's memories in my head and my husband on the floor beside my bed.

Harold generally sleeps on the pull out couch he put in front of the television.

"I like sleeping to the sound of something and the telly is right here. I'll be fine here darling."

But not today. He was sleeping beside the bed uncomfortably. So I got up and ran out of there as soon as I could. I am avoiding him, but I'm not sure of everything I told him. I remember telling him I want a family, I remember him hugging me, or whatever he did.

It was more comforting than anything has ever been. He is a big man. Tall, wide, built from all the hours he spends in the gym. Harold is much bigger than the monster I grew up with and yet he is more gentle. He is warm and kind. At least to me.

I smile at the girl in front of me. My twenty year old patient is an assault survivor and she is doing everything she can to move on. The predator is now in jail and now that she has her closure and justice, she wants to be who she was before everything happened.

"I met this guy, he is a doctor. He was actually my emergency doctor when I was admitted after...." She lets her words trail off. I nod with a smile. I understand, sometimes it's difficult to talk about.

"He has been kind to me. He is always so gentle and caring. I like him. I think I'll ask him out after I come back from the convention. I don't want to be scared of intimacy forever."

Unlike me, my patient isn't scared of any touch. She is only scared of sex. We are working towards it. She also meets a sex therapist to navigate physical intimacy. She still wants a normal life.

She seemed broken and done with everything when I met her four months ago. Now she has hope again. As much as I would like to take credit for this improvement, I also think this guy did something to make her have hope again.

Until I met Harold, I thought all men were ignorant and monsters. But my husband changed my mind. He is kind, gentle, sweet. "That's great." I tell her. "So you're going to a convention? Will you be here for our next session?"

"Oh yes! The convention is only a single day though it's out of town so I'll be gone for two. But I'll make it back in time for our next meeting. The convention is for sexual assault victims and anyone who wants to support them. They try and connect survivors to people who could help them come over any lingering traumas.

The doctor I told you about? The guy I like? He told me about it. I signed up so I'm leaving in two days but I'll be back pretty soon."

I smile again.

The convention sounds helpful. Maybe I could sign up as well to be a therapist to one of the victims. It will be the first time I'll be on my own but I'm sure I can manage.

Even after having people around me all the time while growing up, I was alone anyway.

~~~~~~